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Erin Jones

Harm OCD

It all seemed too weird

It all seemed too weird, embarrassing, ridiculous to share with anyone but I am thankful to have the opportunity to share it here.

Someone recently reminded me that we all have our dark places, things that we are ashamed of.  The following is a brief description of mine…

My story is connected to obsessive compulsive disorder.  Specifically something called “harm ocd”.  I discovered the name for it when I was 14 or 15, but the symptoms had been there for years.  I can remember being a young child and having disturbing thoughts of harming myself or someone close to me.  These thoughts would be accompanied by distressing images which caused extreme anxiety.  Was i going crazy, losing my mind?  Was I a danger to myself and others?  Typically the thoughts would be about physically hurting/harming someone close to me (I did not want to hurt anyone, but feared that I would lose control and do so).  I became afraid to be alone with others, to be around sharp objects/potential weapons, to babysit, etc.  The avoidance did not work and the thoughts continued until I discovered a medication and therapy that worked for me (anafranil and ERP).

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