Browsing Tag

Harm Obsessions

Intrusive Thoughts

My OCD Story: Experience, Hope and Recovery

It can always be treated now. There is always great hope. The last few years have been the best years of my life.

I was 7 years-old and it was the first time I’d stayed over at my Grandma’s on my own. The evening was great – it’s a lovely sort of hazy memory of childhood happiness, having fun, being cosy and happy at your Gran’s.

But suddenly, as she was hugging me Goodnight, the thought shot into my head that if I strangled her she wouldn’t be able to stop me because of being too frail. It terrified me. There was no thought in the world that could have appalled me more.

Looking back now I can see that the circumstances conjured this up in my mind. It was an involuntary thought – intrusive. The problem was that the thought didn’t go in one ear and out the other. I obsessed about it. I was a growing boy, shocked to realize that I was already stronger than my Gran. In the nightime stillness of her bungalow I glimpsed through childhood eyes the vulnerability of an elderly person that I loved dearly.

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Intrusive Thoughts, Postpartum OCD

Postpartum OCD, Intrusive Thoughts and Recovery

I decided to share my story because I want you to know you are not alone.

I was 26. I had just given birth to my first born, a boy. He was a 
baby who had been prayed for and yearned for, and waited for through the heartache and tears of two miscarriages. It should have been the
 happiest time in my life. I remember the first vivid intrusive thought. It was my first week 
home alone with him. I was cooking. He was laying in his infant seat 
in the kitchen. I had a flash of accidentally dropping my knife and 
hurting him. Immediately, the thought morphed into my stabbing him on 
purpose. Panic rushed in. I was hot and shaky. Terrified. I cried out 
to God to protect my son from me.

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