Browsing Tag

OCD

OCD

The one you should keep

I’m thankful for my therapist, for the SSRI that has given my inner voice enough power to be louder than the doubt

I remember the day exactly. March 12th. It was a wonderful day. I spent the day doing what I love, which at the time was fashion photography. I went home that night, and laid myself down to sleep for what I would now know as my last night of peace. I spent the night tossing and turning, only to realize that my heart seemed to be beating faster than normal. Strange? It was 10pm and I’ve never not been able to sleep before. I sent my older sister a text, and asked her if she ever couldn’t fall asleep because her heart was beating so fast.

Her response shook me. “All the time. You’re having a panic attack.”

A what?

The next three months were excruciating. How could I go my whole life not experiencing this, living such a normal life, now not being able to even take a full breath. I enrolled myself into therapy, and met my current therapist. We talked about my ability to be impressionable when it came to hearing others anxiety stories. Of course I was feeling that way, I was lost in this whole new world of fear and panic. How do I know what to expect? What to believe? She then spoke the sentence that spiralled me into the onset of my OCD.

“Maybe you just need to find yourself?

Words from a therapist you never want to hear. Words from a therapist, or from anyone in general, almost certain to cause a identity crisis in someone in their early twenties. I went home and carried on with my usual daily tasks. Cleaning up after myself, and picking up the stuffing from my dogs favourite toys. I went to grab the laundry out of the dryer and I thought to myself, “What if I have to leave my boyfriend in order to find myself?”
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Podcast

Peter Weiss – Camping, Nature and OCD (Ep105)

More information on The OCD Camp here – theocdcamp.com

In episode 105 I interviewed Peter Weiss. Pete is an OCD therapist based on Seattle. He has been co-running camps for kids and adults with OCD for 10 years. He was one of the therapists in the 2013 documentary Extreme OCD Camp. Pete is helping me set up a camp for adults with OCD in the UK.

Peter Weiss

In this episode Pete shares some tips for spending more time in nature, we talk about big foot, living a life of adventure, the benefits from his OCD camp for attendees, and his hopes for the UK camp. Enjoy! 

podcast

To listen on iTunes click the button, or go to iTunes and search “The OCD Stories“. If you enjoy the podcast please subscribe and leave a review. It helps us reach more people who need to hear these remarkable stories of recovery!

You can also listen on Android and over devices through most podcast apps, such as Stitcher.

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Podcast

Dr Elizabeth McIngvale – Peace of Mind

In episode 104 I interviewed Dr Elizabeth McIngvale. Liz is the founder of the not for profit Peace of Mind foundation which is dedicated to serving the OCD community. She has a Phd in social work and is assistant professor at Baylor university. At the age of 17 she became the national spokesperson for the international OCD foundation.

Dr Elizabeth McIngvale

In this episode Liz shares her OCD Story, how she deals with OCD, how her view of ERP has changed in the last 5 years, lifestyle changes, her ‘live with Liz’ Facebook chats, the Peace of Mind foundation, the OCD challenge course, technology and OCD, and breaking down stigma. Enjoy! 

podcast

To listen on iTunes click the button, or go to iTunes and search “The OCD Stories“. If you enjoy the podcast please subscribe and leave a review. It helps us reach more people who need to hear these remarkable stories of recovery!

You can also listen on Android and over devices through most podcast apps, such as Stitcher.

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OCD

The illness that haunted my life

You can be whole again. You can live an amazing life. I promise.

My name is Lillie, and I, just like most who are likely reading this, am on my journey of recovery from OCD. And it’s been quite the journey, to say the least. OCD has been the fight for fucking my life, but I’ll get into that later. I realize that this illness has followed me and haunted me for my entire life, but it wasn’t until much later that I realized what it was.

When I was a young child, I had a loving family, all of my needs met, went to the best schools in my city, and my life was seemingly the “ideal childhood.” Except, I always had a nagging feeling like something was wrong with me. Even as young as 4 or 5 years old, and probably even before that. I felt like I was an outsider looking in with my peers. Things bothered me that didn’t bother anyone else. I just, for lack of a better term, didn’t feel right. I felt like I didn’t belong and despite being an outgoing and extroverted child, I couldn’t shake that something about me was different.  I worried more than the average child and was very meticulous…about everything. I was obsessive and impulsive (and compulsive, obviously). I was told that “I cared way too much” and “bothered by things that aren’t worth being bothered by” by teachers and peers. Kind, I know. Everything had to be “right” or else I would have a full blown meltdown. For example, I would arrange Barbie Dolls, Polly Pockets, and American Girl Dolls in a very particular way and my older brother would move them around just to be annoying and I would have a MELTDOWN. I mean, a screaming and crying meltdown. At my fourth birthday party, everyone was walking in and out of my room and touching my things. I was in full-blown panic, meltdown mode. I would write and rewrite things over and over and over and over again until they were “perfect.” I would count and recount things over and over until it was “right.” I never got a damn thing done in school. Ever. Homework was such a source of anxiety. In early high school, I sat in the lobby of the athletic building after school with a piece of my friend’s schoolwork who had beautiful handwriting, and wrote and rewrote words, until I had brand new handwriting because I thought mine wasn’t perfect enough. Test taking was just…hellish. I was, without fail, always the last person to finish a test, and not for lack of knowledge. “Am I doing this wrong?” “I need to have perfect handwriting.” “I have to erase all of this and rewrite it.” “I’m going to fail out of high school and end up on the street and just die.” “How do I get out of taking this test because I’m going to fail it.” And because of my OCD, my grades did suffer. They didn’t suffer drastically by any stretch of the imagination, and I would somehow make it onto my school’s Honor Roll each semester; but, since my grades were not all A+’s, I developed more anxiety around school. I was a serial procrastinator because I didn’t want to feel the anxiety of doing schoolwork, but had to get the work done eventually, so I also didn’t sleep. I was what some like to call, a vicious cycle. I’m not quite sure how I made it out of high school alive, and I’m not being dramatic.

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Podcast

Dr Steven Phillipson – Recovery From Thinking The Unthinkable

Love camping? Sign up for more info on theocdcamp.com

In episode 99 I interviewed Dr Steven Phillipson. Steven is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for OCD. He co-founded the first CBT/Support group for OCD sufferers in the New York area in 1987. Steven is the Clinical Director at the Center for Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy.

Dr Steven Phillipson

In this episode I chat with Steven about the history behind the term Pure O, OCD support groups, therapy homework, you get out of therapy what you put in, the commonalities among OCD themes, how not to get stuck in the content/theme of the OCD thought, why OCD isn’t evil it’s just a friendly brain in overdrive, when a parent and child has the same theme of OCD, why a thought is just a thought, living by your values despite what ever emotion may be present, a relapse prevention strategy, dealing with false memory OCD, and learning to live in the present. Enjoy!


podcast

To listen on iTunes click the button, or go to iTunes and search “The OCD Stories“. If you enjoy the podcast please subscribe and leave a review. It helps us reach more people who need to hear these remarkable stories of recovery!

You can also listen on Android and over devices through most podcast apps, such as Stitcher.

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Podcast

Mark Freeman – Getting curious about anxiety

Find out more and register your interest in TheOCDCamp.com

In episode 97 I interviewed Mark Freeman. We recently ran a workshop together in London, so we took some time to reflect on the event, and talk generally about OCD recovery.

Mark Freeman book signing

In this episode I chat with Mark for the 4th time! We talk about our recent workshop in London, dealing with uncertainty, learning from difficult situations, questions Mark got asked on his workshops, how compassion and empathy can help, awareness for building empathy, putting a price on compulsions, straight forward mindfulness, getting curious about anxiety, and trusting yourself. Enjoy!


podcast

To listen on iTunes click the button, or go to iTunes and search “The OCD Stories“. If you enjoy the podcast please subscribe and leave a review. It helps us reach more people who need to hear these remarkable stories of recovery!

You can also listen on Android and over devices through most podcast apps, such as Stitcher.

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OCD

I’m standing. I’m living.

I write this to tell My story. To let others know they are not alone.

When I was young I’m not sure of the age but little. I used to kiss everyone of my beanie baby animals at night. It sounds sweet right? Well it wasn’t for me– I would kiss each one the get into bed. After I’d get into bed I would wonder did I really kiss each one? What if I didn’t- I would start to feel heavy in my chest and my body uneven. I would get up and kiss them all again (I had a lot), crawl back into bed. Sometimes I could be ok with just that but often times I would kiss them until my lips hurt and I was crying, or until someone in my family said to go to bed. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I would wake up thinking it all was silly until I would do it again the next night. I remember certain rituals. Feeling like one of my fingers was “bad” I would have to touch something with my other finger Two times for every one time I did with my bad finger. I would get stuck in one place for so long touching back and forth. I’m unsure anyone noticed. Maybe they did. Maybe they worried or joked about how I was just a weird kid, maybe OCD wasn’t a topic back then. But I remember feeling stuck in my head a lot.

I was fine a lot of the time, no one would of noticed, as I am now pretty functional outwardly. My teenage years were hard. College harder. I had an eating disorder in high school that I can see now was based entirely on OCD. I would pick out certain foods and amounts that were ok to eat. If I didn’t eat them at a certain time of day or I ate more than allowed I would get panicked. Would I get very fat? Would everything fall apart? Everything about being a teenage girl seemed to revolve around my OCD. Much like when I was little I had a ritual every night of doing sit-ups. 100. But if I miscounted I thought I would start over. I see so clearly the color of the carpet in my bedroom, feeling dizzy, upset- thinking if I could only get through this it would be ok, I would feel even. College is when I finally realized what was wrong with me. I started having weird thoughts. Worried I would stab someone I loved with a knife at night. I would get physically ill over it. I’d tell my then boyfriend at the time. He was a good guy, he would laugh it off say it’s ok. I would tell him so much it felt like sweet relief to say something until I thought it again. I looked up these thoughts online— intrusive thoughts. A glitch in the brain. It helped me to know it didn’t mean I wanted to hurt someone, in fact it meant quite the opposite I was so sickened by my thoughts I couldn’t let them go. I went on Zoloft. It failed, I felt sick and zombie and fat. I always said I could get through anything by walking. And honestly I think I did. When I met my husband he use to say I was in my “hole” when I got down. I couldn’t get out he would say unless I went outside or got out of the house. God he pulled me out of that hole so many times. The man is a saint really, he doesn’t hear it enough. And he prob didn’t know when he married me that he would deal with my mental illness so heavily.

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Podcast

Kimberley Quinlan – OCD and Eating Disorders

In episode 93 I interviewed Kimberley Quinlan. Kimberley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who treats people with OCD and related disorders, Eating Disorders and Body Focused Repetitive Disorders. She runs her own podcast called Your Anxiety Toolkit. Kimberley also trained at the OCD centre of Los Angeles, and later became the clinical director.

Kimberley Quinlan

In this episode I chat with Kimberley about eating disorders and OCD. We discuss what is an eating disorder, treatments for eating disorders, learning to observe thoughts, applying radical acceptance, ARFID and orthorexia, fear of foods, creating a healthy relationship with food, compassion, finding a support team, and the body positivity movement. Enjoy!


podcast

To listen on iTunes click the button, or go to iTunes and search “The OCD Stories“. If you enjoy the podcast please subscribe and leave a review. It helps us reach more people who need to hear these remarkable stories of recovery!

You can also listen on Android and over devices through most podcast apps, such as Stitcher.

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Podcast

Jon Hershfield and Shala Nicely – Everyday mindfulness for OCD

This week’s episode is sponsored by the Anxiety and Stress Disorders Institute of Maryland. If you are in the Baltimore area and are looking for treatment head over to http://anxietyandstress.com.

In episode 90 I interviewed Jon Hershfield and Shala Nicely. Jon Hershfield and Shala Nicely talked about their new book “Everyday mindfulness for OCD: Tips, Tricks, and Skills for Living Joyfully”.

Everyday mindfulness for OCD

In this episode I chat with Jon and Shala about mindfulness, meditation, the importance of self-compassion, a self-compassion coping statement, writing a new contract with OCD, the JOY acronym, the newspaper headline game, and silver linings. Enjoy!


podcast

To listen on iTunes click the button, or go to iTunes and search “The OCD Stories“. If you enjoy the podcast please subscribe and leave a review. It helps us reach more people who need to hear these remarkable stories of recovery!

You can also listen on Android and over devices through most podcast apps, such as Stitcher.

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Podcast

Jon Hershfield – When a family member has OCD

In episode 88 I interviewed Jon Hershfield. Jon is a pyschotherapist based in Maryland who specialises in the treatment of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He is the author of three books “The mindfulness workbook for OCD” and “When a family member has OCD”. And the soon to be released “everyday mindfulness for OCD” which he co-wrote with Shala Nicely. This podcast is packed with tips and advice for the family members of those with OCD. 

Jon Hershfield

In this episode I chat with Jon about stigma within the family, the importance of remaining a family member, why it’s not your fault, the 4 I’s, reducing compulsions as a family, why it’s ok to help them relax and comfort them but not engage in the content of their obsessions, establishing contracts for when reducing compulsions, mindfulness and coping with frustration within the family. Enjoy!


podcast

To listen on iTunes click the button, or go to iTunes and search “The OCD Stories“. If you enjoy the podcast please subscribe and leave a review. It helps us reach more people who need to hear these remarkable stories of recovery!

You can also listen on Android and over devices through most podcast apps, such as Stitcher.

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