I hope that all of you reach the path of loving yourself
My irrational anger, frustration, and thinking
I feel like I am drowning into nothingness. Like all the efforts in the world are worthless, and that I will be a nobody forever. I feel like I will be forever unhappy, I will be forever failing in every single goddamn thing that I do, and that whatever I do will never be worth it. I want to just run away from people, tell them that my mistakes, my failings don’t define who I am. I really, really really wish I could be anybody but myself. I feel unhappy, but I don’t know why. I feel lonely, but I don’t know why. I have everything in the world that I could want, and yet I am unsatisfied. What is wrong with me? Why am I not happy? I am studying at least 5 hours a day, needing to make sure that every single grade of mine is great, and it’s only in the 80’s range. Why, why, why, can’t I be perfect. All I want is to be perfect and to be like everybody else who just gets 99 by studying 2-3 hours a day. I really, really really really wish I was like everybody else. OCD is a very common anxiety disorder. Sometimes, when people talk to me, I literally, can’t concentrate on what they are saying because my mind is filled with these thoughts. I feel like I need to stab myself, or do something, anything, to make myself perfect.